I've been thinking...

I never really considered the facts, never really tried to understand the whole picture. Its really easy to take the good parts and shove the rest into the back of your mind with the sort of "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.. But I've come to realize that you cant truly understand unless you take it all into account, the good.. and the bad.

We all, as human beings struggle at some point in our lives. Some of us more than others... some of us learn to struggle and keep on living, and yet others let the struggle to understand, to find the answers, consume their life. Life would be so much easier if we had a pause button. (A rewind button would be nice too). One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that life wouldn't be life without struggle, without pain, without barriers.

And it's taking me some time to realize that pain.. has its positives.

What about the feeling of losing hope? That desperation you feel when everything's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to fix it. When your life falls down around you in pieces.. duck tape isn't going to fix it.. but sitting around mourning the loss of what used to be "life" for you.. isn't going to fix it either. That's the time where you have to tie your shoes a little tighter, and walk through this load of crap that life has thrown your way. And its gonna suck... but once you get through it.. it will be the best feeling in the world.

I think faith has to be tested. I mean.. what makes faith?? What if.. you could see God.. you could see what He sees.. the plan He has for you.. the reason He's given and taken away?? How much faith would it take to believe in Him then?? None. You have to fall to truly understand faith.. faith is knowing what could happen but trusting someone or something that it wont.. or that if it does.. there's a reason.

I don't understand a lot of things.. and that's hard for me because I'm the kind of girl who constantly wants to know why..but truthfully.. the answer to the question why isn't that important.. once you know the answer to the why question.. it isn't going to change the problem..

My problems are big.. but my God is bigger..