Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Amazing
Sometimes all I can do is throw my hands up in the air and laugh. Some days when it seems like everything is going wrong I laugh, just to prove I can.
There are some nights when I lay in bed with my hands stretched in the air hoping that maybe you'll reach down and touch me. Even the slightest draft of air between my fingertips gives me hope that you do see me. Even in the middle of the night, in my dark room, I know you see me just as though I was surrounded by the brightest light.
"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me"
Those simple words bring me much needed comfort and peace.
Some nights, when the sky is clear, I like to look up at the stars. Just to remind myself how small I am. And it's then, when I begin to feel insignificant that I remember that there is no one else in this world like me. Out of all the blonde headed, blue eyed girls in the world, not one of them is like me.
It's when I begin to think about all these small details that I realize how wonderful and great my God is.
He has brought me through the valley and placed me on this mountain. He has never left my side, and never will. He's the only one who understands who I am and what I'm feeling.
This just blows my mind.
There are some nights when I lay in bed with my hands stretched in the air hoping that maybe you'll reach down and touch me. Even the slightest draft of air between my fingertips gives me hope that you do see me. Even in the middle of the night, in my dark room, I know you see me just as though I was surrounded by the brightest light.
"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me"
Those simple words bring me much needed comfort and peace.
Some nights, when the sky is clear, I like to look up at the stars. Just to remind myself how small I am. And it's then, when I begin to feel insignificant that I remember that there is no one else in this world like me. Out of all the blonde headed, blue eyed girls in the world, not one of them is like me.
It's when I begin to think about all these small details that I realize how wonderful and great my God is.
He has brought me through the valley and placed me on this mountain. He has never left my side, and never will. He's the only one who understands who I am and what I'm feeling.
This just blows my mind.
I've been thinking...
I never really considered the facts, never really tried to understand the whole picture. Its really easy to take the good parts and shove the rest into the back of your mind with the sort of "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.. But I've come to realize that you cant truly understand unless you take it all into account, the good.. and the bad.
We all, as human beings struggle at some point in our lives. Some of us more than others... some of us learn to struggle and keep on living, and yet others let the struggle to understand, to find the answers, consume their life. Life would be so much easier if we had a pause button. (A rewind button would be nice too). One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is that life wouldn't be life without struggle, without pain, without barriers.
And it's taking me some time to realize that pain.. has its positives.
What about the feeling of losing hope? That desperation you feel when everything's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to fix it. When your life falls down around you in pieces.. duck tape isn't going to fix it.. but sitting around mourning the loss of what used to be "life" for you.. isn't going to fix it either. That's the time where you have to tie your shoes a little tighter, and walk through this load of crap that life has thrown your way. And its gonna suck... but once you get through it.. it will be the best feeling in the world.
I think faith has to be tested. I mean.. what makes faith?? What if.. you could see God.. you could see what He sees.. the plan He has for you.. the reason He's given and taken away?? How much faith would it take to believe in Him then?? None. You have to fall to truly understand faith.. faith is knowing what could happen but trusting someone or something that it wont.. or that if it does.. there's a reason.
I don't understand a lot of things.. and that's hard for me because I'm the kind of girl who constantly wants to know why..but truthfully.. the answer to the question why isn't that important.. once you know the answer to the why question.. it isn't going to change the problem..
My problems are big.. but my God is bigger..
Just Give Up
Sometimes the best thing to do is give up. I don't mean this in a suicidal way, I simply mean, stop fighting God's will and let Him take over. Pull out that white flag you've had shoved in your back pocket and wave it around for the whole world to see. Surrender, and let God have control.
One of the hardest things for me to understand was that I wasn't meant to carry these burdens by myself. God never asked or intended for us to do this on our own. He has told us to come to Him when we are weary and heavy burdened and he was promised to give us rest. He has also told us that we can do all things through Christ. The last part of that sentence is the most important. Notice that God didn't say that we can do all things by our own strength, He clearly states that only with Him is that promise true.
I don't understand why God would want to help me with MY own problems, especially when there are thousands of other people who have bigger problems than my own. I do know that no matter how big or small your problems are, God is willing to help, but only if you trust Him with your life.
This isn't as easy as it sounds, at least it wasn't for me. I'm a fighter, and I would much rather fight my own battles and lose than to ask for help. In the past two years I've come to the point where no matter how hard I fought, I was continuously beat down and defeated by life. I think we all come to a point in our lives where we learn that even being the strong people we are, life wasn't meant to be lived alone. God never intended for us to do this by ourselves.
This is something you have to learn for yourself, and I understand that. I know that no matter how well I write this or how many times you've been told, it's just one of those lessons you have to learn from experience. I also understand that everyone learns this at different times in their lives, and you may not have reached that point yet. Life may be wonderful for you and if so, praise God!
I don't write this in vain, though. I write this so that one day when life has beaten you down and you can't seem to find the strength to carry your own cross, you may understand that it's okay to surrender and that only when you allow Him to, Christ will carry your load and grant you the rest you so long for.
One of the hardest things for me to understand was that I wasn't meant to carry these burdens by myself. God never asked or intended for us to do this on our own. He has told us to come to Him when we are weary and heavy burdened and he was promised to give us rest. He has also told us that we can do all things through Christ. The last part of that sentence is the most important. Notice that God didn't say that we can do all things by our own strength, He clearly states that only with Him is that promise true.
I don't understand why God would want to help me with MY own problems, especially when there are thousands of other people who have bigger problems than my own. I do know that no matter how big or small your problems are, God is willing to help, but only if you trust Him with your life.
This isn't as easy as it sounds, at least it wasn't for me. I'm a fighter, and I would much rather fight my own battles and lose than to ask for help. In the past two years I've come to the point where no matter how hard I fought, I was continuously beat down and defeated by life. I think we all come to a point in our lives where we learn that even being the strong people we are, life wasn't meant to be lived alone. God never intended for us to do this by ourselves.
This is something you have to learn for yourself, and I understand that. I know that no matter how well I write this or how many times you've been told, it's just one of those lessons you have to learn from experience. I also understand that everyone learns this at different times in their lives, and you may not have reached that point yet. Life may be wonderful for you and if so, praise God!
I don't write this in vain, though. I write this so that one day when life has beaten you down and you can't seem to find the strength to carry your own cross, you may understand that it's okay to surrender and that only when you allow Him to, Christ will carry your load and grant you the rest you so long for.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Mountain of God
I don't understand why things can't be easy. It always seems that when something good happens, and I'm excited.. that excitement is soon replaced with disapointment.
I can't count the number of times I been disapointed by medicines, doctors, and treatments. I can however tell you that it's very discouraging to be in a position where it seems that more often than not, things don't work out for the best.
It's hard, and I sometimes get very upset thinking about all of the oppertunities that I have lost because of the way my life has gone in the past 4 years. I can't being to tell you how many times I've thrown my hands up and said "Why God? Why me?"
His answer is always the same.. I was given this "burden" (or blessing) because God knows that with Him, I can handle it. He doesn't ever say that things are going to be easy.. infact, He promises that life on this earth WON'T be easy, but I find much happiness when I remember that even though much pain and suffering will come from this life, my Jesus HAS promised that He will NEVER for a moment leave my side.
That doesn't mean that I will always be able to feel His presence. There have been many times when I have felt that God has left me to walk this long road alone. But it is in times such as those that I remember His promise, and I realize that sometimes God tests us with times of seeming seperation in order to help us grow closer to Him.
One of my favorite songs is " Mountain of God" by Third Day. If you have never heard this song I encourage you to look it up and listen to the words.
The lyrics of this song comfort me immensly during times where I feel that I can't carry on.
" Even though the journey's long, and I know the road is hard, well the one who stands before me, He will help me carry on. And after all that I've been through, now I realize the truth, that I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God."
Be encouraged! I promise you that the depth of any of the valleys you do face in this life, will NEVER compare to the height of the mountain tops you stand on with our God.
I can't count the number of times I been disapointed by medicines, doctors, and treatments. I can however tell you that it's very discouraging to be in a position where it seems that more often than not, things don't work out for the best.
It's hard, and I sometimes get very upset thinking about all of the oppertunities that I have lost because of the way my life has gone in the past 4 years. I can't being to tell you how many times I've thrown my hands up and said "Why God? Why me?"
His answer is always the same.. I was given this "burden" (or blessing) because God knows that with Him, I can handle it. He doesn't ever say that things are going to be easy.. infact, He promises that life on this earth WON'T be easy, but I find much happiness when I remember that even though much pain and suffering will come from this life, my Jesus HAS promised that He will NEVER for a moment leave my side.
That doesn't mean that I will always be able to feel His presence. There have been many times when I have felt that God has left me to walk this long road alone. But it is in times such as those that I remember His promise, and I realize that sometimes God tests us with times of seeming seperation in order to help us grow closer to Him.
One of my favorite songs is " Mountain of God" by Third Day. If you have never heard this song I encourage you to look it up and listen to the words.
The lyrics of this song comfort me immensly during times where I feel that I can't carry on.
" Even though the journey's long, and I know the road is hard, well the one who stands before me, He will help me carry on. And after all that I've been through, now I realize the truth, that I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God."
Be encouraged! I promise you that the depth of any of the valleys you do face in this life, will NEVER compare to the height of the mountain tops you stand on with our God.
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